Don't Give Up On Me Yet
by Dead17Times
Summary: Short Stack Fanfic. Shaun is a depressed, possibly bipolar teenage boy and cant deal with it all. Shaun x Andy paring. Slash. Little bit of blood. No hate, any and all will be ignored.
1. Chapter 1

"Stop poking in on our conversations Shaun." The boys behind me quipped then I heard then mutter something.

I was just sitting in class doing my work and Blake and Liam (not my brother, another Liam) were sitting behind me talking, loudly. They were talking so loud I could barely hear my music.

"Maybe if you didn't talk so fucking loud." I turned back to my work.

"No music in class." Blake taunted.

My mind was screaming, wanting to say "If it wasn't for my music I'd be dead so shut the fuck up." but I'm weak and didn't.

Little to these guys knowledge, I had cut my knuckles with a safety pin that very lesson. They were bleeding but not very much. I guess it's a habit. I loathe to see to blood. I need it, like a drug and I can't quit.

Being bullied made me feel insecure about myself and caused me to self harm. It only hurt sometimes, the others were for pleasure.

After that lesson I was miserable for the rest of the day, I found it hard to concentrate. Things got worse when I got home. I was helping mum in the kitchen.

"Shaun, what happened to your hand?" My mum asked. "Are they cuts?"

I had to think quick. "No, tree at school."

"Hmm okay." She was still in question but seemed to act that she believed, for my sake.

I saw her keep shooting glances at my hand where I'd cut. I wish she didn't see it.

About an hour later she questioned Luke. I said I was going for a shower but I could hear everything.

"He has scars all up his arm, I've seen pictures. He really is emo." That son of a mother fucking bitch. I could have killed him. Why did he have to tell her?

"Shaun, could you come here?" My mum called.

"No... I-I don't have any clothes on..." I had no other excuse so that worked.

I spent my whole shower wondering what to say and plans for killing Luke. I decided I'd say it was because I didn't like my teachers at the start of the year and it was really hard. I guessed that would work.

"Shaun, why couldn't you talk to me?"

"It's not that easy..."

"But I'm your mum. You can trust me."

"I know, thank you. I just felt like everyone wouldn't care or understand."

"You need to realize that I'm not just your mum but also your friend. Please, if things ever get that bad again come talk to me."

"Yes mum. Love you."

"Love you too. Night"

I walked up to my room. I sat on my bed with my head in my hands. Why did that little shit have to tell her? It was my secret, not his.

I pulled out my phone to see if anyone had messaged me. I had one from Andy. 'I'm waiting in your room...' What the fuck was he on about?

I leant back on my bed so my head was hanging over the other side to my legs. I heard breathing.

"Uhh... Hi... Shaun." It was Andy.

"What do you want? And why are you in my room?" I said as I turned over.

"Well... I saw your hand today and I wanted to see if you were okay." He was under my bed with his head sticking out so it was directly under mine.

"Just people being dicks. I'm fi... No, I'm not fine. My mum has seen the scars and now she thinks I'm suicidal." I said and I pulled down my sleeve, as I felt insecure.

"You know I've always been here for you. Stop hurting yourself. It's not good for you." He climbed out from under my bed and sat next to me. I rolled over to face him.

"It's not that easy..." I tried to explain but failed. "It's addictive, I love the sight of the red droplets oozing out of my skin. I need it."

I sort of smirked as I said the last part, that was a bit of a mistake. I think Andy was freaked out by my causality with talking about blood.

"Shaun, don't. I need you in this world." He said as he looked into my eyes and leaned in to kiss me. Our lips joined and my heart raced. I couldn't have asked for something better at this time.

**A/N:** _Majority of the first section of this chapter is actually based on me and my issues. It becomes my imagination when Shaun finds Andy in his room. That never happened to me but everything before that did. The story will still be about Shaun and his battles but will be less of my own personal experiences. So do you guys like it?_

_Dead x_


	2. Chapter 2

I felt sick and I knew why. Andy had somehow convinced me to let him stay with me the night. I found out he had his bag and basic essentials with him after I took the deal. He slept next to me and I was scared someone would walk in on us this morning but that didn't happen.

"Andy... Andy, wake up." I said to a barely conscious Andy.

"Mmm wha..?" He mumbled.

"Get up, you're in my bed and no one knows... Yet." I chucked a pillow at him in attempt to make him be more alert.

"What? Fuck... Shaun did we.."

"No, get up."

By the time Andy actually got out of my bed I had already got dressed. I made Andy sneak out my window and go down the street a few houses so my parents didn't get suspicious.

"Goodmorning boys." Our form teacher smiled as we walked in.

"Morning miss." I fake smiled back.

Andy was silent, which is unusual. We took our seats in basically the middle of the class. The techno freaks sat behind us to the right, the sluts sat with them, the losers sat in front to the right and the middle and the nerds sat to the left.

I pulled out my iPod and played whatever I could to drown out the foul music coming from the sluts. Andy and I were outcasts, not popular and not losers. No one, except for Andy, knows about my scars and it's hard because my parents now know.

* * *

><p><em>Beep, beep, beep.<em>

The bell went and it was time for another hour of torture. I dont even have any classes with Andy. Why does he have to be in the lower classes? First up I had my favourite, not at all but because this school is fucked I have to do this rather then music. Lucky the guys that bully me aren't in my electives. One is in my computing and LOTE but I don't sit near him. They don't understand my life, if only.

Next period was computing. Not a bad subject, I just sit there photoshopping stuff all lesson. I don't talk to people that much. I think they are scared. Rest of the day was dismal, as always. It was time to go home but I decided an afternoon with Andy sounded better. We walked to the park that is just down the road from the school.

"Shaun, are you ever going to tell anyone?" Andy asked out of the blue.

"About what? Me and you? Or...?" I questioned and pulled my jumper sleeves down further.

"About us and Your... You know." He replied looking a little lost for words.

"Andy," I stopped walking and looked into his blue eyes, "I would only tell if I was required to. I couldn't handle people teasing me to the point of suicide."

He pulled me into a hug and whispered, "Shaun, I love and need you. Please don't leave."

We got to the park at about four. It had started raining so no one was there. I always hear people say that rain is sad and annoying, I love it. Almost as much as I lov... No. I don't love anything more then Andy, he is the reason I'm still here.

"Shaun... SHAUN! helllloooo, Shaun?" I snapped out of my dase. "You okay?"

I didn't even know I was crying, I guess it's because I thought it was rain. "Yeah, just got a lot on my mind."

Andy got off the swing he was sitting on and stood in front of me. I looked up so I could see his eyes.

"Shaun, I can understand what you're going through. I went through something the same when my mum and stepdad died. It'll get better but it has to get worse first." I stood up and kissed him, hard. I disregarded my surounds and just got lost in the moment.

Our moment of heaven ended when I heard a familiar voice yell "Hey look, It's Shaun and his boyfriend. He really is a fag." It was Blake.

_He really is a fag. _Those words sank it's teeth in my mind.

**A/N:** _I just had to put in a song reference. I just had to. Sorry these are short but im working on making the next few a bit longer. Enjoy._

_Dead x_


	3. Chapter 3

Andy and I ran. We didn't stop to look back. We ran all the way to my house. We jumped the fence and went in through the back door. No one was home because mum was at work and I think Luke and Liam were at their friends' houses.

I scrambled up the stairs to my room and collapsed on my bed in tears. Andy came and sat down next to me. He put his arm around me and I knew he was crying too.

"Andy, I'm sorry."

"No Shaun, It's okay."

"But I bet he is going to tell the whole school and everyone will know I really am a fag."

I heard him gasp then in almost a whisper he said "Don't say it like it's a bad thing."

I just had to smile at that. Even when I'm feeling at my worst, Andy is there. I was there for him when he needed it a year ago now he is repaying the favour.

* * *

><p>"Shaun, are you home?" It was Liam.<p>

"No..." I replied trying to sound as normal as I could while shoving Andy under my bed AND wiping away my tears.

"Could you help me with something?" He was at my door but I didn't open it.

"Depends... What is it?"

"Just maths." I could tell he was starting to get pissed that I wouldn't open the door.

"Use the Internet. It's smarter then me." I replied.

"Fine." I heard him walk off.

I looked under the bed at Andy. He was squished into a very painful looking position.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Just squished, thats all." He replied and got out from under the bed.

"So are you going to tell Liam that I'm here?" He questioned.

"Nope." I smiled. I could tell something was going to happen but I didn't know what yet so I was on edge.

* * *

><p>I walked out into the hall to see where Liam was. He was in the lounge room so I summoned Andy into the kitchen with me. 'Be quiet' I mouthed to him and held a finger to my lips. He nodded.<p>

I went into the top cupboard on the left and pulled out a jar of nutella. Andy gave me a strange look as I shoved a spoon into it. I just shrugged and ate it all the same. He took a spoonful too. I quickly screwed the lid back on the jar and grabbed two apples before bolting to my room, Andy in tow.

"So do you do that often?" He still had the strange look on his face.

"Yeah, pretty much when ever my parents aren't around." I smiled as I took a bite of my apple and sat down on the floor.

Our conversations were usually boring but today we seemed to talk about lots while really we were talking about nothing.

"You know who I haven't head from in a while? Your step-brother, Bradie. Did he die?" I just randomly said.

"Not yet," He sighed as if he wished Bradie was dead. "He is living with his mum. I would have lived with my dad but he doesn't live close enough to you."

"Naww You're so cute." I grinned.

His cheeks went a subtle shade of crimson. He looked down, he looked even cuter.

"Aw shucks Shaun," He giggled "You make me blush."

"That's a good thing, you look gorgeous when you're blushing." I winked at him and laughed.

"Shut up!" He grinned back.

I playfully shoved Andy onto his back and straddled him. He tried to squirm away but I am superior. I leaned down so our faces were almost touching.

"Shaun can you ple... What the fuck?"

**A/N:** _Sorry this one is a bit short but i was sorta focusing on the next two chapters... Maybe i'll upload them both tonight? idunno idunno_

_Dead x_


	4. Chapter 4

"Shaun can you ple... What the fuck?" Liam walked in on Andy and I doing something a little more then hugging. It was very awkward.

"Uhh Liam, you know Andy." I tried to form an excuse as Andy and I scrambled to our feet.

"Yeah, I know him but that doesn't really explain what you guys were doing." This kid wants to know everything.

"Liam just let it go and don't mention it to anyone or you will wake up one day and all xbox games will be snapped. Now run along." A threat is not usually my answer but it was needed in this instance.

"Fine, just don't snap my games." He walked out.

I turned to Andy, who had retreated to my bed, and gave him a look that said 'I think we should be more private next time.' He nodded in reply.

* * *

><p>"Boys, I'm home." My mum called from the kitchen."Liam, are Shaun and Luke here?"<p>

"Shaun is in his room doing something and Luke is on his computer." He replied.

"Well if you want dinner you better come now." Mum called.

"I don't think Shaun wants dinner, he is a bit... Preoccupied." Liam replied.

That little shit just can't keep his mouth closed, he better not tell her about me and Andy or I'll staple it shut.

"What will you do?" Andy asked which snapped me out of my partial hypnotic state and made me realize I had talked aloud.

"Hmm? Nothing. Just thinking aloud." I replied.

He raised an eyebrow then shrugged it off. By now it had started raining and looked as if it was going to last for a while. I offered Andy to stay tonight as well. He agreed and we decided to watch a movie.

I went to the lounge room where Liam and Luke were versing each other in Mario Kart and grabbed three movies. Nightmare Before Christmas, Donnie Darko and Batman Begins.

"Mum, I'm not hungry so I'm going to watch a movie." I called out as I walked down to my room.

We decided to watch Nightmare Before Christmas first. Ultimately, I knew I'd be able to make Andy let me watch Nightmare Before Christmas because I love it... And maybe a little bit of begging was involved.

We were snuggled together on my bed with my head on Andy's chest and our feet entwined. I locked the door so there was no chance of Liam or Luke or even worse, mum walking in.

I must have drifted off because the last part I remember was when Jack was in Christmas Town. I must have been really distraught about the incident at the park because I had the strangest nightmare... Or dream. Was it pleasure or pain?


	5. Chapter 5

"Fag boy." One of the guys taunted. "emo boy." His friend was with him. "Loner boy." They kept repeating it. "Gay boy." They both stood in a doorway. I was on the inside of said room. It was white and plain. I was sitting on a chair in the middle of the room and there was no one else inside. It took me a few moments to realize where I was. An asylum. All the words I heard were 'fag', 'gay', 'emo' and 'loner', they just kept repeating. I looked down from the doorway and the meaningless hate to see my arms had bandages all up them. I unwrapped one bandage to see what I did. My arm was sliced and scratched to the point where it barely looked human. I was a monster. Suddenly a nurse passed straight through the guys and they disappeared as she entered the room. I heard noises but they had become indistinguishable. The nurse said something but I don't know what. I tried to stand and people forced me down. I struggled then they injected a needle into my neck. I blacked out.

I awoke in Andy's arms. The movie was turned off and it was dark outside. I must have been asleep longer then I thought. I edged my way out of Andy's arms and made my way To the kitchen to get a drink. I checked the clock and it was about midnight. My mum was sitting in the lounge room watching TV very quietly so I had to be extra careful. I got a quick drink of water and swiftly went back to my room. The air in my room was cold and the partial moonlight seeping in through the curtains made it seem, I guess, more mysterious and menacing.

"Shaun?" I heard Andy whisper.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" I replied and sat down on my bed.

"Um well, I need to ask a you a favour." He said quite anxiously. "Do you think you could ask your mum if I could move in with you?"

"Andy, of course. Now go back to sleep, you look cuter that way." I smirked.

"Fine." He said and turned so he wasn't facing me.

I hugged him from behind and whispered into his ear "I think I love you, I hope I'm right."

I drifted back into my subconscious dream land and tried to form a happy place, though it's hard to find a place of happiness in my mind.

The second dream was stranger then the first.

"Come one Shaun. We're going to be late!" Andy screamed and grabbed my wrist, dragging me along. We were headed into a large building. The outside looked like a regular, less then ordinary building but the inside was filled with all sorta of machinery and steampunk style furniture. A man greeted us and told us to go wait in the room on the left or the room on the right. The left room was small and silver while the right room was large and gold. It reminded me of a personality quiz. The self absorbed and greedy people would choose the large, gold room while the self less and wise people would choose the small, silver room. I shoved Andy into the small, silver room and he dragged me with him. "Now boys, you chose very wisely and shall be rewarded yo..." The voice stopped. Everything went dark. I woke up.

"Goodmorning Diviney!" A surprisingly cheerful Andy smiled.

"Go home, grab all your stuff and I'll text you in about an hour or so once I've convinced mum." I replied as I lifted my torso off the bed.

"Okay, ill be back." He grabbed his backpack and jumped out the window. I still don't know how he had so much energy at this time of day and how long he'd been awake for.

* * *

><p>"Mum, I'm going to ask you for the biggest favour, ever." I said and walked into the lounge.<p>

"What did you do and how much will it cost me?" She queried.

"I did nothing... Is it possible for Andy to move in with us?" I asked hopefully.

"Why? Where is he living now?"

"On the streets... and sometimes in my room." I said the last part under my breath.

"Okay, call him and tell him to bring all his stuff over when he can." She smiled.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH MUM!" I squealed and ran back to my room.

I picked up my phone and texted Andy telling him the good news, within 20 minutes Andy was at my front door with a suitcase and his backpack.

"Hello MTV, welcome to my crib." I laughed as I pulled Andy inside.

I rushed Andy into my room and when we got there we did a weird, little, happy dance. Andy hugged me tightly and said 'Thank you' so many times it was getting awkward.

"Andy, down." I commanded.

He released me and sat on the floor like a dog.

"Good boy!" I joked.

Andy barked. It was cute.

**A/N:** _This was fun. I liked this chapter. I hope you guys like it too!_

Dead xx


	6. Chapter 6

"YAY! We should have a party!" Andy exclaimed.

"Yeah! We should!... But we don't have any friends. Remember?" I replied.

"Oh, yeah." he sighed.

"But... I guess we could party on our own?" I smiled.

"YEAH! Chuck on some music then."

So Andy and I had a very childish, two person, dance party for about five minutes then got bored.

Because mum didn't know about Andy and I, we had to get a mattress for the floor in my room. It won't be much use because I'm pretty sure Andy prefers my bed.

The tomorrow, we have school. Which mean't I'd have to face the consequences of Blake at the park. What did he say? What will everyone say? Will anyone talk to me? Is it all over the Internet? My wrist started tingling.

"Andy, I can't do it," I started. "I can't face them. Face everyone and anyone that knows."

He looked up from unpacking his bag. "Shaun, don't let them win."

"But they have already won!" I cried. "I can't fucking do it!"

I punched the wood desk. It cracked but my fist barely hurt. I punched it, again and again until my fists were pounded raw and Andy restrained me.

"Calm down. It'll be fine." Andy tried to reassure me.

"IT WON'T BE FUCKING FINE! THEY PROBABLY TOLD THE WHOLE SCHOOL!" I burst into tears and my body fell limp in Andy's arms.

He was trying to calm me down but this triggered all alarms in my head. The years of torment. The names. The yelling. The taunting. It all came back. My wrist had a strange stabbing pain and I knew this wasn't going to end well.

I started hyperventilating, which is quite common for me, and I couldn't stop. I usually get someone to give me water and turn on my music to calm me down but it was out of control. I knew that if I didn't regain my normal breathing pattern I could die. I couldn't talk. I needed to tell Andy.

"H-help m-me" It came out in short, sharp breaths.

"What do I do? Who can help you?"

"M-my m-um-m o-or l-l-luke" I started shaking and going lightheaded from lack of oxygen.

"LUKE! COME HERE NOW!" Andy called.

"What do you wa... Shaun. Relax. Breath normally." Luke started helping as soon as he saw Shaun. "Shaun. Focus, I'm here. Andy's here. Everything is fine. Breathe."

They found my ipod and played some My Chemical Romance. They constantly calmed me down. Telling me to breathe normally until eventually my breathing became better but it took another few minutes to return to normal.

"Andy, I should have warmed you. Shaun suffers panic attacks and usually starts hyperventilating." Luke told Andy.

"Thanks Luke. You can go now." I said and he exited.

"Well that could have been bad..." Andy tried to lighten the situation.

"Or good." I mumbled.

"So that's a normal thing?" Andy looked a little shaken.

"Um yeah. Haven't had one that bad since..." My memories had filled my head of when I had a panic attack at school.

_Once again it was the same guys tormenting me, making me feel like shit. I was just some loser kid who was never enough. People took advantage of that. They'd yell at me for nothing. If my grades were perfect then I was a nerd and a suck up. If my grades were low I was a failure._

_This time it was 9 year old me. Not too tall, not too short. Not too fat and not too skinny. Not anything. Brown hair, fair skin, green eyes. Less then average._

_Lunchtime. Middle of autumn to be exact. I was sitting by myself. Blake and Liam came up behind me. They pulled me backwards off the seat. Shouted names and taunts. Kicked me in the ribs and took my spot. I ran into the toilets and started crying. I was scared someone would find me so I locked myself in. I heard the bell ring for class but I couldn't get out. I panicked. Started hyperventilating. Lucky someone found me. I was unconscious against the door. I was minutes from dying of lack of oxygen. That's when I was diagnosed._

_Having panic attacks made it hard for me during school but when I started high school there was one person that helped me. Andy. He doesn't know it but that day the little, awkward teen walked up to me and said hi was the day I had planned for suicide. He was the reason I didn't._

"Shaun?" Andy looked worried.

"... Yeah, sorry I zoned out." I could tell he could see the terror and pain through my eyes but didn't ask to be polite.

"Andy, do you remember the day we first talked?" I asked.

"You were sitting alone so I came said 'hi' and now we are...umm"

"Gay together?" I laughed.

"Yeah..." He looked a little uneasy.

"Please don't be scared but that day you came and talked to me, I was planning on killing myself but I didn't." I said to get off the whole 'gay' topic.

"Uhh you're welcome?" He said with a slight nervous laugh.

**A/N**:_ I hope you guys are reading and enjoying this, i will probably upload weekly and maybe two chapters at a time. So just leave some comments about what you think i could do to improve it, be harsh. Cheers_

_Dead xx_


	7. Chapter 7

"I can't do it Andy." I struggled to keep a grip of my bed frame with Andy tugging on my feet.

"Yes you can, now get dressed." He was persistent.

"Do you want to stay and watch?" I winked.

"Will it make you get dressed any faster?" He replied, letting go of my foot.

"No but.." I started.

"Goodbye Shaun, I'll meet you in the kitchen." Andy cut me off before I could finish.

I got changed and went into my bathroom. I stared at my scarred wrist and I knew I couldn't go to school today. I washed my face then looked at my reflection.

"You're still uncool. Just a fag boy. Nothing more." I said to myself.

"Shaun are you ready to go?" Andy called from my bedroom.

I jump to the door and held it closed. I did not need Andy to see this.

"Umm I'll be out in a minute." I stuttered.

"Okay I'll be in the lounge. Hurry!" He demanded and I heard him leave my room.

I rummaged through the cabinet under the sink to find a bandage. I'd used my nails to scratch away the skin on my arm. It was the biggest I've ever made. Probably about three centimeters by one centimeter. I cut a piece of gauze and placed that over the scratch followed by wrapping it with a bandage. I decided to wear a hoodie... For obvious reasons.

"I'm ready." I said rather unenthusiastically.

"Let's roll!" Andy shouted and grabbed his bag off the floor.

Once we got to school my arm was stinging. Lucky Andy is in my form. I had English first though. That meant Liam and Blake.

"You're going to stretch the sleeves on your jumper if you keep doing that..." Andy told me.

"Probably..." I replied and did it again just to annoy him.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

The bell went and it was time to die. I walked through the crowded corridor to my class. Went in and sat at any desk that was empty. Almost immediately after I sat down and put my music on, Blake and Liam came and sat behind me. I said nothing.

"So, It's true." Blake said a little louder then needed.

"What is?" Liam asked.

"Little Shaun here is actually a fag. I saw him and Clemmensen pashing at the park." He smiled.

"Ooo bromance going on aye Shauny?" Liam taunted.

I tried my best to block them out with my music but they kept going. For a whole hour they made fun of me. The next period I had science. They stilled picked on me then. They threw paper and pens at my with the words 'fag boy' and 'gay' written on them. I texted Andy.

**'Help me. They won't stop. It hurts.'**

**'Tell the teacher you feel sick and go home.'**

**'Well it's recess now. We will discuss it when we meet up. K?'**

**'okay'**

"Texting your boyfriend?" I heard Blake yell from behind me.

"Just leave me alone." I pleaded and walked on down the corridor at a slightly faster pace.

"Make me, faggot." Blake yelled and punched me in the ribs making me fall to the ground. He proceeded to yell names like emo and faggot while kicking me in the stomach and head until he got bored and left. I texted Andy and told him where I was but not what happened.

"Shaun?" Andy said slowly. I groaned. I was in so much pain. "You need to get to a hospital..." Andy suggested and helped me up to my feet.

He dragged me all the way back to my house which was about two blocks away. No one was home. We let ourselves in using my spare key. Andy gently placed me on my bed and kissed my forehead. He removed my shoes and hoodie. I had forgotten about my scratch that I made in the morning because the pain from my ribs was worse.

"What happened to your wrist?" Andy started to unwrap the bandage. I heard him gasp then nothing. I looked at him then all of a sudden he forced his lips on mine. This was the most passionate kiss we'd ever shared. I never wanted it to end but I knew eventually we'd need to breathe. The pain I was experiencing was temporarily numbed.

"why?" Andy whispered.

"I'll tell you later." I replied and gave a half smile.


	8. Chapter 8

When my mum got home Andy rushed to get her so she could see me. I don't remember a lot but we went to the hospital and they took one look at me and ushered me in. By now I was cold, blood stained and bruised. I hurt everywhere. My mum came with me into a room where nurses cleaned the blood off me before I had an x-ray on my ribs. It was bad. Five cracked ribs and large amounts of bruising. They said I had to stay here for at least three days but even then I had to stay home for another three. I took this as good news. More Andy and less Blake and Liam.

My mum stayed with me the whole time. She looked a little offended when I asked to see Andy, alone.

"How's it going, Div?" Andy grinned as he walked next to my bed.

"Sore... Can you give me something?" I said while trying to hide a smile.

"Sure, what do you want?" he smiled.

"You." I smirked and pulled him closer. We stole a quick kiss before breaking away so we wouldn't get caught.

"Wait until you are better." He said as he walked out in a half-daze.

The rest of the day was annoying. Ever few minutes a nurse or doctor would come check on me or offer me food. I said no to everything. I felt ill. Why would he do that to me? I don't get it. He beat me up. For what? Being a fag? For being me? I asked the nurse that came to check on me if I could have a notebook and a pen. I had a stupid idea but it was worth a shot.

_'We've become nothing at all,  
>lead through the back of our spines'<em>

People treated me how I felt. Like nobody, like nothing.

_'and as our heads hit the floor we were dead 17 times.'_

He bashed me. For being me. He doesn't know the mental pain that causes, as well as the physical.

_And every minute regret that sank it's teeth in my mind says all that needs to be said and said it 17 times.'_

I should have hit him. Smashed him right in the face. But no. I'm weak. I have to do it one day. For me.

"Why seventeen?" Said a soft voice coming from over my right shoulder.

"Huh?" I looked up to see a brunette nurse, about my age, reading what was scrawled on the page.

"It's not much of a poem though." She smiled.

"Song actually. Hi, I'm Shaun. Five cracked ribs and bruising." I said with a slight laugh.

"Annalise. Nurse." She grinned.

If only she knew I was gay. She's pretty but I really didn't want to explain details.

"So what are you writing about? They seem like pretty deep lyrics." She said as she sat in the green chair next to my bed.

"Uhm... Just, stuff." I struggled to find a feasible excuse.

"Your girlfriend? Unless you're single..." She said, leaning her chin on her hand.

"No... Uhh... I'm taken. Sorry." I blurted out rather rudely.

"Oh.. Anyway your ribs are healing nice so you should be out of here on time or even earlier." She fake smiled and left.

Great. Well, at least I didn't blow my cover.

Where is Andy? Shouldn't he be here by now? What if they found him and bashed him too? But I'd know. These thoughts are going to kill me. I always psych myself out which leads to panic attacks.

Two days pass and I don't hear anything from anyone. I was going to freak out and as soon as I start my mum walks through the door.

"Time to go home." She smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore." I croaked.

I checked out and walked, well more like stumbled, to the car. My mum tried to make conversation on the way to our house but I just kept singing the lyrics. Over and over. It took me about five minutes to realize that we had pulled up at our house. I snapped out of my daze and ran to my room. I think my mum was in a bit of shock at how I could run after such injuries.

I laid down on my bed and stared at my roof for a while. It felt amazing to be out of hospital. It was warm and dark. Almost perfect. I got my laptop. Logged into Facebook, twitter, myspace, everything. I needed to see whether people were talking about me.

"no no no no" I cried as I read one of Blake's statuses.

'So I guess Shaun is the school fag now. I saw him pashing Andrew at the park. Don't worry, I took care of him.'

"FUCK! No, I'm going to fucking kill him." I screamed.

"Shaun, Watch your language." My mum called from the kitchen.

"Sorry." I rolled my eyes.

It was about time for Andy to come home. I was excited to see him. Well... considering I hadn't seen him for two days, I think I've held up pretty well. He made quite a loud and extravagant entry.

"SHAUN! MY FRIEND! HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? ITS BEEN A LONG TIME WITHOUT A CHAT!" He yelled with a slight British accent as he burst through my bedroom door.

"Just sore." I replied flatly.

"Been wanking too much?" He laughed at his own joke.

"Har har. No. I got mauled. Remember?" I said sarcastically.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I have a surprise for you." He grinned.


	9. Chapter 9

**Andy's POV**

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I have a surprise for you." I announced.

I thought that a Shaun deserved a treat, considering he was bashed and hospitalized because of something that was partially my fault. So I planned something special for us when he got out of hospital.

"Have you discussed 'us' to your mum?" I questioned and slid up next to him on the bed.

"Not yet. I was considering it but, y'know... It's awkward." He said in almost a whisper.

"I know what you mean. Well, this means we will have to sneak out together." I winked.

"What have you got planned?" He looked dumbfounded.

"It's a surprise!" I grinned and leapt off the bed, exiting the room.

"ANDREW! GET BACK HERE!" I heard him yell.

"NEVER!" I shouted back and laughed maniacally.

I was about to go into the lounge room when I heard Shaun's mum on the phone.

"He got out today. Apparently he was bashed by another guy in his year." I heard her say.

"Yeah. Okay, Bye. I will." She hung up.

"Andrew, could you come here?" She called.

I paused before getting to the doorway as I was standing basically next to it. I entered and she motioned me to sit down.

"Do you know anything about what happened to Shaun?" She looked extremely worried.

"Uhh well I was texting him and he said he'd explain something to me when we met up. After about ten minutes of waiting I got another text saying he was behind the maths block. When I got there he was lying on the ground." I said without looking up.

"Do you know who might have done this?" She asked as she leaned forward.

"Yeah, these two guys that have been bullying Shaun for years. Blake and Liam." I added emphasis on years to add effect.

"Okay, thanks Andrew." She forced a smile but I could tell it had no happiness behind it.

I smiled in return and went back to mine and Shaun's room. It's not really just Shauns anymore. I live in there too.

He was asleep so I was careful not to disturb him too much. He looked like he was still in pain. His face and arms were covered in bruises and grazes. I couldn't even begin to imagine what his torso looked like. He looks so peaceful while asleep. I just wanted to join him but I knew he needed sleep. I saw something in his pocket. It was a piece of paper.

_'We've become nothing at all,_  
><em>lead through the back of our spines. And as our heads hit the floor we were dead 17 times.<em>

_And every minute regret that sank it's teeth in my mind says all that needs to be said and said it 17 times.'_

"It's not much of a poem.." I whispered to myself.

"Song, actually." Shaun said, startling me.

"I didn't mean to wake you." I apologised.

"You didn't. I was never asleep. Just thinking with my eyes closed." He chuckled.

I went and laid next to him so our faces were level. I just stared into his green eyes, not wanting anything more then everything to be better.

"Shaun, do you ever wonder what it's like to be a fish?" I whispered.

"What? No... Why?" He looked as confused as a turtle in the desert.

"Because I do. I mean, you just swim all day. Drinking where you pee and poop and peeing and pooping where you drink."

"Please remind me why I associate with you." He sat up.

"Because I'm a sexy fish and I taste good." I grinned.

"Whatever you say, doctor hotdog." He laid back down and turned the bedside lamp off. "Sleep time for little fishy."


	10. Chapter 10

**Shaun's POV**

"Sleep time for little fishy." I said as I turned off the lamp.

Andy was laying in front of me with the stupidest grin on his face. I tried to close my eyes and sleep but I kept opening them to see if he was still looking at me like he was going to rape me. I squinted at him trying to work out what he was going to do. I poked out my tongue and he licked it.

"Ew... So you're still awake I see." I questioned.

"Yes. For a human you taste pretty good." I scoffed in disgust.

"Go to sleep or you will be sleeping on the floor. Like you're supposed to!" I whispered harshly.

"Geez. So I guess you don't want cuddles?" He said in a childish voice. I rolled my eyes.

I draped my arm over his waist and pulled him close. His breathing was obviously restrained. I think he was nervous. Which is cute.

"My little fish, I love you." I sung into his ear softly. He let out a small moan in response.

His breathing eventually calmed into a rhythm and I couldn't help myself but squirm down so my head was level with his chest. I listened to his heartbeat. It was fascinating and calming. The perfect lullaby.

"Leaning now into the breeze, remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees." I awoke to the sound of Andy softly whispering Remembering Sunday by All Time Low. He had both his arms wrapped around me. I had both my arms squished up against our chests. Our legs were entwined and his fingers were tracing swirls on my back. It was perfect.

I wiggled a little bit which alerted Andy and made him stop singing. He looked down at me and I slowly looked back up at him.

"Mornin' fish." I grinned.

He rolled his eyes and released me.

"Noooo come back! I need you!" I fake cried and clung to him with dear life. Needless to say, he was stunned.

He let out a low laugh and tried softly to push me off before trying a bit stronger.

"My fishy! Stay!" I grabbed hold of him tighter. I began mindlessly chanting "fishy, fishy, fishy."

"What are you on?" He was totally weirded out.

"A little drug called luurve." I winked.

He forced me off... Literally forced. He ran into my bathroom before I could get him. My ribs felt surprisingly great this particular morning. Almost as if having Andy there was like some form of healing.

I picked up my body and shuffled to the bathroom door. I leant against it with a thud.

"Hurry up. I need to pee." I said with my face half squished on the cool door.

"Fine." He replied.

Suddenly the door flung open and I fell into Andy's arms.

"Nice catch." I sarcastically smirked.

"Go pee. I'm gonna be getting dressed. Just saying." He threw me up and I had to find my balance quickly.

I went into the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror. Who am I? What have I become? Why do I do shit like this to myself. My wrist started pounding. I wasn't going to give in.

"NO! NO! no..." I screamed and punched the tiled wall. The tiles now had cracks in them.

"Shaun..?"I heard Andy at the door so I opened it.

I began shaking and fell limp at his feet. He knelt down and sat with me. Just soothing me. I had become my worst nightmare. I hated me. I had been emotionally unstable for a while now but I knew that I was going to completely break down and do something stupid.

"Please, help me. Make me be okay. Make me feel like everything will be fine." I pleaded.

"I don't think I can do that." Andy subtlety replied.

I wiped away my tears and sat up. I needed just a day for Andy and I. I couldn't handle spending time with others. I sat on my knees and leaned forward towards Andy. He looked up. That when I looked him in the eye and said "Do you feel the same? Do you love me too?"

He paused. His smile fell. "Shaun," He started. "I'd love you no matter what. I don't care what anyone else thinks."

I stood up and stepped over him to get back into my room.

"Now, what did you have planned?" I tried to sound a bit more positive.

"What time does your.." He just started replying when my mum called out that she was leaving for work. "Well that answers that." He said with an awkward chuckle.


	11. Chapter 11

**Shaun's POV**

"... And then this giraffe comes out of nowhere and grabs the crayon." I really wish I had been listening to what Andy just said. I was day dreaming. About him. Yeah. 

"Shaun, are you even listening?" He began waving his arm in front of my face. 

"No... I heard something about a giraffe and a crayon, though I can't tell if that was part of the day dream." I smiled.

"Okay... Well I think it's time we got food." He suggested. 

I shrugged. Andy took that as a 'go ahead' because he got up off my- our bed and grabbed his wallet on the way out. I followed close behind. 

We decided to walk to the shops which are just down the road. The whole way there I thought of what I was going to eat. Red licorice and skittles. I know it's a weird combination but it's what I like.

We walked through the front door of the shopping center. It felt as if everyone momentarily stopped and stared. I hated that feeling. I dislike attention. We walked straight to the confectionary isle and grabbed bags of random lollies and chocolates and, of course, our favourites.

Andy paid for everything and as quick as we entered we left. I still had no clue what Andy's surprise was. I was under the assumption that it wasn't just lollies. There was going to be something else. 

"Shaun... Go wait in your room." Andy called out from the lounge room.

"Yes sir, mr fishy!" I emphasised on him being a fish just because I never want him to live it down.

I went to my room while I was there I began wondering what Andy had planned... And by wondering I meant fantasizing.  
>If you get what I mean.<p>

I heard a loud thud which snapped me out of my euphoric state. Then shortly after I heard the thud Andy came bursting into my room. 

"Okay, it's ready." He beamed.

I am going to be honest, I was scared. I had no clue what he had planned and, well, it's Andy. He is insane. He dragged me into the lounge room. When I got there all I could see was a blanket fort. He gestured for me to go inside. I crawled through the entrance and into the main body. It was amazing. There was a laptop on a little table, big bowls of assorted lollies, pillows everywhere and just enough room for us two.

"So... Do you like it?" Andy buzzed.

"Like it? It's perfect!" I squealed. "I love you fish." 

"I love you too Shaun." He slowly replied. 

We went in and got comfy before Andy put on a movie. About ten minutes in we got distracted by each other and started a lolly war. I threw handfuls of skittles and he threw m&m's. We chased each other around the tiny, enclosed space for a while. Andy caught me. He pinned me down to make sure I couldn't get up and escape. I wrapped my arms around him so he was resting on me. I smirked at him. I think he knew what I wanted. He shook his head and tried to get up. I rolled over on top of him. 

"Andy." I leered.

"No Shaun. I'm not ready. Not yet." He said seriously. 

"But Andy! Please!" I pleaded.

"No. Please get off me." He struggled to get out.

"Never!" I giggled and started rocking back and forth. 

"Shaun!" He sneered.

"What?" I said as if nothing was wrong. 

He started moaning.

"Stop. Please? We will one day. Just not today." I rolled off him.

He was definitely looking forward to whatever was coming though he made me stop. Oh well, his loss. His excitement was apparent through his pants. I laughed at him. He just sulked.

We were laying next to each other with our feet sticking out the 'door' of the fort. That's when Luke and Liam got home. Luke went straight to his room but Liam, the little shit that he is, came up to the fort and opened the 'door'.

"Oh hey Shaun. What are you guys doing?" He grinned like the devil. 

I hate this kid so much. He always sticks his nose in other peoples business.

"Nothing. Fuck off." I flipped him the finger and tried to kick him.

"Uh huh. Sure." He smirked and slinked away.

"So... What now?" I looked at Andy.

"Umm we should probably clean up... Any m&m's you find are mine." He said as he scrambled to his knees.

We searched for any lost treats for a while before actually clearing all the sheets and pillows away. It took almost half an hour to clear it all. Once we had finished we went to my room. I told Andy to wait for me in my room as I went and hassled Liam.

"Why can't you just mind your own fucking business?" I stormed at him. 

"What ever do you mean?" He batted his eyelashes.

"You know fucking well what I mean. What I do with who is my business, not yours." I snapped. 

"So when you say 'what I do with who' do you mean having sex with Andy?" He giggled. 

"No! Fucking shut up and mind your own business before you are missing teeth!" I screamed and slammed the door on my way out. 

I burst into my room and smashed the door shut. 

"Fucking little shit! I'm gonna kill him!" I yelled.

"Just ignore him." Andy suggested.

"How? He is going to ruin my life! It's already enough with Blake and Liam but not him too! Ugh it must be something to do with the name..." I sat down next to Andy and he pulled me into a hug.

"Shaun, everything will be fine. Trust me." He sighed and kissed my cheek softly.

I laid back on my bed and Andy followed suit. I stared at the roof for a while. Just trying to gather my thoughts on everything. What do I tell Liam? How do I tell mum? What if she kicks Andy and I out when she finds out? 

"What if it isn't fine?" I cried.

"Then we will work through it. You are stronger than this." He soothed. 

"Let's hope for the best but prepare for the worst." I smiled.


	12. Chapter 12

Okay, so by now Andy and I had been planning for hours about telling my mum, Luke and Liam. We got a notebook and wrote down everything that could happen, everything good and bad. I think the main points were that we'd be kicked out or nothing at all would happen.

"I think we should tell your mum first because she'd help us." Andy suggested.

"You're probably right." I agreed.

We agreed that today, when my mum gets home from work, would be when we tell her. I really needed someone, apart from Andy, to talk to. I had no clue how he was dealing with this so calmly. I was freaking out. I knew that if I kept psyching myself out like this i'd have a panic attack. I didn't need to deal with nearly dying as well.

My mum got home at about four thirtyish. Andy and I called her into the lounge room.

"Mum, we need to talk." I glanced quickly at Andy then bak to her.

"What's wrong?" She looked as if she had started panicking.

"Nothings wrong, just Andy and I need to tell you something." Andy grabbed hold of my hand. My hands must have been cold because his were soothingly warm. "I don't know how to word this... I hadn't really planned it but urr... Mum, Andy and I are gay. Have been for a while." I rushed the last part.

She was stunned. I could see.

"Shaun, that's fine. Thank you for telling me." She stood up and left to the kitchen.

Andy and I exchanged looks then bolted to our room. We slammed the door shut and leant against it. We gave each other a look that said 'what the fuck do we do now?' Andy brushed a few loose strands of hair off my face before pulling me close. He gently brushed his face up to mine so our lips were barely touching before giving me a quick peck on the lips and moving to my bed. I wanted more but he is a tease. He refused me to give him pleasure then he hardly kisses me. So fucking rude.

"No. Come back and finish what you started!" I ran at him.

"Nope!" He chimed and ran to the opposite side of the room.

"FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED GOD DAMMIT!" I scream and spear tackled him.

We made a very audible thud a we landed on the carpet. I grinned at him. He started to squirm and eventually made it out of my grip.

"Slippery fish get you ass back here!" I spun around and charged at him.

He tried to dodge but was just a little bit too slow. I caught him and sat on his hips to make sure he wouldn't escape. We were both breathing heavily which broke the silence. I leaned down onto his torso and stared into his eyes.

"If you don't finish what you started, I'll be forced to take drastic measures." I smirked as he just blinked at me.

"Maybe, depends what you mean by 'drastic measures'" He laughed.

I rolled my eyes. I dived for his neck suddenly. I bite, kissed and sucked. I could tell he was enjoying it as his groans were getting louder as was the bulge in his pants. I moved up to his jawline and his pulse rate almost doubled. I felt all his muscles relax then quickly he grabbed my arms and forced me onto my back. It was his turn.

"Finishing what you started?" I whispered. He sighed in response.

The moans and groans from both of us began getting louder so we decided to stop before Liam or Luke walked in. How awkward.

"Turn on the tv." I demanded.

"No, you." Andy defended.

"I can't move. You're sitting on me..." He rolled his eyes and got the remote.

He turned on the tv and flicked through the channels until he found The Simpsons. He shrugged.

"Do you know what's wrong with me?" I stroked his hair gently.

"What do you mean? Like you're depressed or something else?" He turned to face me.

"I mean, my mental issues. I think I'm bipolar. I'm happy one minute then breaking shit the next." I admitted.

"I honestly don't know Shaun. You could be. Or it could just be mood swings due to stress?" He looked like he was in deep thought. That was strange for Andy.

I had to return to school. I haven't been since like Wednesday last week. People wouldn't care or notice though. It's funny. If anyone else had almost died they'd be all depressed but when it comes to me, I'm lucky to even get a worried glance let alone an 'are you okay?'.

Maybe I'm just over thinking it. I'm sure it'll be fine. Haha probably not but who cares?


	13. Chapter 13

School today. I made a groan as I lifted my body off the bed. Andy was still asleep so I decided to go get some food. I made sure no one was following me as I went into the kitchen. It was dark because it was early and the lights were off. I'm afraid of the dark. Too many horror movies.

I made some toast. Yes, boring old toast. I couldn't be bothered making anything else so it would have to do. I switched off the light and piss bolted back to my room, being careful not to drop the plate. I lightly sat the plate on the desk and quietly shut the door that was ajar.

"Yay! Food!" Andy cheered directly into my ear. How did he even get behind me?

"You little shit, you scared me. I thought you were asleep." I jumped away from him.

"Nah bro, I was awake before you left." He snatched a piece of toast and slumped onto the unmade bed.

"Hey, Hey, Hey... That's human food. You gotta eat fish food." I joked and bit the other end of his toast.

"I'm a free fish, I eat what I want." He frowned.

"Free fish my ass. I'm the fish god. You must obey my commands." I struck a pose and winked. Andy pushed my chest and I fell off the bed and onto the floor. It hurt. He laughed at me.

"Now who's the fish god?" He did a dance. I laughed at him. He was so awkward.

With breakfast, if you could call it that, done it was time to get down to the serious work. Getting dressed.

"Get dressed."

"No."

"Get dressed Andy."

"NO!"

I pulled off my shirt and whipped it at him.

"GET DRESSED!" I screamed and ran into the bathroom to change. I closed the door behind me and started waiting until he wants in.

_Bang, Bang. Bang._

"FBI. OPEN THE DOOR!"

"No, it's cooler when you break down the door."

I scrambled to get my clothes on before Andy managed to work out I didn't lock the door. He was still not dressed so I ran out past him and pulled the door shut. I held onto the handle to make sure he was stuck in there with his clothes.

"NOW GET DRESSED!" I screamed.

* * *

><p>As we trudged through the gates of hell it felt as if all eyes lay upon us. Watching our every move with such precision as if we were painted neon in a black and white world. I hated the attention. It was Blake and Liam. I bet you.<p>

"Shaun, are they staring at us?" Andy whispered.

"Uh huh." I replied, equally as quiet.

As we entered the main building the shouts and laughs turned into whispers and snickers. People were pointing and exchanging looks. I didn't want to do what I did but I had to.

"What? What's so fucking interesting? That I'm gay? That I'm a fag? Well you know what? FUCK YOU ALL!" I shouted.

I turned to Andy and kissed him with such intensity that I could feel the whole room freeze. And as I heard the laughter start kept my lips locked with Andy's and flipped the whole crowd the finger.

"WHAT FAGGOTS!" I heard a familiar voice. Blake.

I broke away from Andy and ran up to Blake and smashed him in the face. These people disgust me. They ridicule me because I like guys. So fucking what? Not like its their business.

"I don't care what any of you think. You're all worthless anyway. So fuck you and goodbye." I grabbed Andy by the wrist and ran out the double doors.

"Thank you. Really, I'd never be able to do that." Andy and I had ran back to my house. I knew that we'd never be able to go back to that school. Ever. But we'd have to.

After that day, Andy and I lived on like we were kings of our lives. Ignored the hate and accepted the love. We returned to school and passed with great results. Blake and Liam? They eventually gave up.

People say life is short, but really it's the longest damn thing you'll ever do. People fear death, I don't. It's the only thing anyone is guaranteed. You aren't guaranteed to even be born. Do what you want in life. Dye your hair crazy colours, get tattoos, make a mess, do everything you want because you could be gone any second. Never hesitate to say something because it could change you and your peers. And one last thing, **please don't give up on me yet, this is just the beginning.**

**A/N:** Yes, it is over. I'm sorry if it didnt turn out the way you all hoped. I shall continue writing just this story is done.- Thanks for the amazing support from Sway, Crimson and Rue. Love you guise. One book closes and another one opens.

Love, Dead xx


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